seriously. i have no money to pay my phone bill til tomorrow b/c i've been dealing with this annoying company for like seven months using a phone i hate. well, needless to say, with my clumsiness, i dropped one of the phones that we ended up replacing and the screen shattered. so now we owe $100 for the deductible for that on top of the phone bill. so my phone is turned off til tomorrow! what is that?! i'm sorry but that just makes me feel....idk....not good. i don't want to be that person, but what am i supposed to do when i can't work v.much?! so my guy has to pay the money and then on friday, when i get some sort of paycheck, then i'll pay him back. 
but the problem is that today i was actually super motivated. i was going to make a ton of phone calls and now all i can do is email. bleh.


but i'm getting further along with my book and i'm super excited about it. i wrote a bit about it on my writing blog.


i also had something totally crazy happen last night and my guy CANNOT believe how i reacted to it. or rather, my lack of reaction to it. my fog has been beyond horrible and i'm just in a stupor.
i'm overfed and hormonal and just totally out of it.
i mean, who forgets two things for their child in less than one hour? (did i write about that the other day?) and then what i did, which i can't write just, well, just because....it was so stupid and ditzy and i still don't even really care. and it's kind of a big deal. like really. but whatever. i have other things to worry about, you know. i'm in bed right now, about to leave to take the kid to school. 


yeah, so i'm back. actually cleaned up the garage a little bit and ate something. something real. and i got out the chicken Now so that it's thawed by the time i get ready to make the chop suey or whateveritis i'm making. i already forgot and i just looked at it lol


now i'm chatting with a friend about the craziness that is our lives (she's going through disability stuff, as well, but for different reasons -- yet another invisible illness, though, which is just no fun) and i'm trying to finish this blog, and i'm re-working the query my author friend was awesome enough to rip apart, as well as re-working a certain part of my concept because it just needs to be done (again...info on my writing blog). man, how freaking bad is it that i don't even remember if i've mentioned it here or not?
i've had fog a lot, but it's just RIDICULOUS lately. seriously..
part of me feels like there's not much point in writing b/c i don't even know what i'm saying :P


ok, so i DIDN'T write on here what i'm doing with the book.
i had a conversation with the man last night and he just didn't understand the fogginess/fuzziness and my general 


um...idk what i was saying. b/c i was writing this yesterday and just stopped haha


i'm thinking it was that he doesn't understand my general zombie-like attitude. cause that's pretty much how i am. granted, i'm up on anti-depressants b/c of my HRT, but if i didn't have that higher dose, wow... i'm still sort of on edge.


anyway, i'm ending this now because i have a PLAN for this blog!! a good one. you shall see :))
all my zero readers haha....

soon!!! =D


btw...it was sweet and sour chicken i made haha. and it was good!

Nothing to say :)
Just like it tells you....first post. Wrote all I really wanted to over to the side. My reason for starting this.
As of right now, I just ate a ton so I can be sleepy and pass out. I took an early nap because I had an exhausting day. This damn Megace (progestin) my rheumatologist has me on is fabulous as far as gaining weight, but the side effects are horrendous.
I've gained 14 lbs in a month! So super pumped about that.
I'm not even 5'3" and I dropped down to 88lbs......again.
So today I was over 102 and thrilled as could be. 
Whipped out my phone and took a picture of the scale.
My doctor's goal for me is 110, since I was 109 when he started treating me -- well before I became sick earlier this year. But I'd like to be 115. I'm the most comfortable there. So only one more month of HRT. Hot flashes, mood swings (which means an increase in my anti-depressant...back up to what I used to be on so it works on a dual level with both dopamine and seratonin. I was doing fine with the lower dose, but not with this crazy hormone in me!), irritablity/intolerance, night sweats (those kick ass!), excessive thirst, acne (NEVER have i had acne...had sorta bad skin for a month or so when i was pregnant, but that wasn't bad. Heck, I don't even know if this is acne. It's just my forehead and I read a few other things it could be. 
I know there are other side effects, but I can't really think right. The package of graham crackers just made my belly full and ready to go curl up in bed and crash. 
Have to remember to turn the fan on, though. Oh, it gets so horrible. I'm only 31 and I feel like I'm going through menopause. All my weight is going to different spots haha! Not used to that. I'm still super teeny tiny, but to me, I feel ginormous.
All right, that's enough for now.
More tomorrow when I actually have something to say.
Nite :)